Archive for November, 2011

Aliens and Gardening

There was me, that is Steven, and my three droogs, that is Felix, Marc, and Jesse, as we tore through the Louisiana roads late that September evening. Felix knew of a place where he claimed that there were strange lights from military testing and we wanted to go check it out. Of course none of us thought that there was anything to it, but we found the idea exciting enough to hop  in our Durango and race along the high way. We noticed aligators walking upright across the road. They reminded me of the jewelry of India Stewart. These gators were fashion forward, and looked like they would make fantastic alligator cuff links. We all seemed to find it strange that alligators were walking upright but at the speed we were hurtling it could have been an illusion.

We stopped by the side of the road by a large group of Religious Statues, and we thought that was cool. Buddhas, St. Francis, they were all there. We had a moment of silence where we thought about the mysteries of life, and really enjoyed and focused on the moment of quiet contemplation. It was difficult to see beyond this grove for it was real country dark out there. No light pollution to create that eerie glow. You could look up to the sky and see the stars, thick and milky in the sky. You could only wonder what lives out there, where intergalactic horrors dwell.

Beside the road where we had pulled over we noticed some garden bird baths and a stand alone fountain. There seemed to be shadowy figures lurking around there, but we thought perhaps that was a trick of the eye. Marc got scared and insisted we move on. I think the others were afraid too. I wasn’t, because I kick so much ass, but whatever. I was anxious to move on to the military base.

As we raced along the highway I noticed statues on garden pedestals, statues of owls, of frogs, of cats, almost on guard. What were they guarding against we wondered? They seemed to move, but perhaps that was a trick of our lights as we drove past.

This area of Louisiana is famous for its many UFO sightings, some attribute it to the military, many are attributed to a local moonshine, but I know what I saw and I know what happened to us. First, a chubby mystical fairy flew over us, then a space ship landed in front of our car. Three aliens got out and approached our car. “Do not fear us,” they exclaimed. “We are only looking for directions to The Garden Gates of Metairie. We want to pick out a Christmas Tree for our homeworld of Zunar J-5. Do you know if they deliver?”

Oh, and they were all wearing Bob Marley hats.


The Great God Pan in My Secret Garden

Some mornings I must think past to the great scientist Jack Parsons and what he would do before every rocket launch, read the Hymn to Pan to bless the rocket.

Io Pan! Io Pan! Come over the sea
From Sicily and from Arcady!
Roaming as Bacchus, with fauns and pards
And nymphs and satyrs for thy guards,
On a milk-white ass, come over the sea
To me, to me…

The poetry of these words resound through my very skull, breaking over my nature to a new world which the pagan gods once again rule. Satyrs, nymphs, and faery run through my loins to new pastures. But what can I, a simple man do to recreate the secret world that these mystic beings once enjoyed? I can create a beautiful garden, a hidden lair that I can escape to and perform these forbidden rites.

First I need a fire, a flame to warm my body against the night. This I would acquire at The Garden Gates in Metairie. The Sierra Outdoor Fireplace is perfect for my needs. As I howl to the dark sky I don’t want to mess with the hassle of wood. I am too busy drinking wine from a goat skin to want to do that. My nature is unveiled in the most horrid of ways, I shall bring forth a flame to illuminate my desires, and those which are strange shall dissipate.

Next I need a pillar of ruin to bring me back forth to the glory days of Arcadia, pedestals which display that I am of timeless wonder and beauty. The Roman Garden Pedestal is a perfect and classy way to reveal the secrets of ancient history, but now, pagan versus modern. Io Pan! Frolic!  Also appropriate would be the Wreath Garden Pedestal, bringing back the Arcadian designs of the ancients.

To think of Pan, the great nature god it is best to have a representation of him. With the Pan Garden Statue by Campania the great satyr god is there, showing his nature to hidden world. But one must be careful when one is close to his pipes for they may reveal the desires one has bound within. The term panic is derived from Pan, and rightfully so. He was a gateway to the frenzied world that we can all so easily succumb to.

Lounging in the Garden Gates with Claude Departoix

Hello, my name is Claude Departoix, a sophisticated individual living in the New Orleans area. I love to live in style, everything I do must have class about it. I only eat the smelliest of cheeses and drink the oldest wines I can find. This I do in my secret chamber in the secret area behind my fabulous mansion I call the Pirate’s Cove. The cove is decorated only by furniture that I purchase at The Garden Gates. They accept the gold doubloons which I pull out of my chest which is a plus. With my lavish fashion and my exciting looks they are the only currency that can keep up with me.

This is a Zen Frog

The sexiest part of my cove is the furniture, the Delano™ Outdoor Sofa with Coffee Table set is one of my favorites. We hang out and are fabulous while sitting on it, the coffee table is covered with maps, and jewelry, and even perhaps some candy we received as stocking stuffers. We frolic around over the weekends having a fantastic and wonderful time. Sometimes we just throw the furniture in the pool and order new ones. Otherwise we build a giant pile of wicker furniture in the swamps. We always purchase our new furniture from The Garden Gates. It is always outstanding.

Our New Orleans Christmas Tree in the cove is majestic. It’s a fraser fir and it is beautiful.  I get the biggest one they have at The Garden Gates which is 14 feet. They delivered it and everything. I decorated it with many of the finest ornaments they have at The Garden Gates. The Chubby Mystical Fairy, It comes with lights already on it. How wonderful is that?

In my wondrous garden I have many animal statues that mean  the world to me. My Totally Zen Frogs remind me to get into the zen zone every morning before I do my cosmic yoga. When I want to get into the bohemian grove zone I stand before my owl statues and raise a toast to the UFO masters of the world. The owls need something to eat, am I right? So that is what my post mouse statue is for. Every afternoon it gets devoured in a sacrifice only to be reborn the next morning. Do you think I am mad? Other statues I have are St. Francis of Assisi and the Lab Pup Garden Statue.

My long suffering yet some how delightful wife is only happy when I bring home jewelry for her. Otherwise she rages against the night, running in loin clothes howling at the moon. Her favorite items that I bring her are also from The Garden Gates. She wears cuffs by BG Jewels which she loves because it makes her feel like Wonder Woman. For earrings she prefers ones by Mary Louise Designs. She loves the Emerald Green Tear Drop ones, but I call them the Mark McGuire, Steve Hauschildt and John Elliot edition. My inside jokes are outrageous and only hilarious to myself, I understand this. Please do not remind me by posting a comment about my ignorance!





From the Mouth of Birds

Hello! I am a bird. One of the things I love as a bird is bird feeders. Yum. I travel miles to visit a good one. I flap my wings so much that if I can find a good source of calories for energy I hang out with it. I even tell my friends and family and we hang out at the bird feeder spots. Although I love eating worms because they are such an excellent form of protein, I really enjoy carboloading. Eating various grains help my wings stay active, the more active my wings are the hungrier I get and the more birdfeeders I visit.

One of my favorite bird feeders is the Cherub Birdfeeder by Campagnia. There is a woman in Metairie that has one, and whenever I am hanging out over there with my bird pals it is a good time. She enjoys the beautiful colors of our feathers and how we frolic around it. The Cherub Birdfeeder itself is nice because it is a beautiful design, it features an angel gazing down on me as I eat away which makes me feel safe.

I love the Dragonfly Bird Bath a lot just because I love to eat dragonflies. Whenever I see one of them I go down, splash around a bit and get ready for dinner. Nothing like taking a nice shower before dinner time. My wife likes it when I get clean before we go out so it is always perfect. Looking at these stylized dragonflies make me hungry, we go out, usually for dragonflies, and everyone is happy. (To all the birds out there, there is a great dragonfly spot over by the Jean Lafitte National Park. Their dragonfly gumbo is out of this world!)

My dear friend Hummy the Hummingbird loves the Eighty Days Dew Drop Hummingbird Feeder, made with recycled glass. This beauty evokes the classic days when people would fly around in hot air balloons all the time, when man was as free as birds. The hummingbirds feed from the Gondola and they looks and stylish as they do it. The glass is beautiful too, so home owners get to enjoy the elegant beauty of the glass as well exciting friendship of the hummingbirds. It also holds up to 50 oz. of nectar. It takes a while for birds to go through all of it, but they rememer where it is and return to it often.

A great thing about being a bird is that bird watchers watch me but you never have to worry about being caught by someone like the local dog catcher. One of my favorite statues is the Fluffy Dog Garden Statue because it commemorates one of my dear friends, Fluffy the Dog. Fluffy was taken away and sent to the dog pound. He is very missed among the animal community. One of our only real worries is the bird flu, so every year I go get my flu shot at the local Walbirds Pharmacy.

Where to install Garden Statues and Garden Sculptures

A garden statue as an article of adornment for the gardens is an established and accepted fact. Different individual have their own ideas for installing the garden statue and garden sculptures. No matter you may have your own landscaping ideas for garden statues and garden sculpture, I would like to share some of the tips and would like to share some hints for installing garden statues and garden sculptures.

The Garden Gates team understands that like most aspects of garden decor, when it comes to choosing garden statues and garden sculpture veryone’s tastes are different. Please remember that it is your garden and you should exercise your choice while selecting the garden statues. Primarily, garden statues are classified into two categories; animal garden statues and religious garden statues. Well, ultimately, whatever you buy, it is for your own enjoyment so choose something that is special to you. Moreover, garden statues also convey your style statement and what you believe in and hence it is essential to be careful in selection of garden statues and garden sculptures. Using garden statues in a garden gives you an opportunity to be creative and really add a personal touch within your landscape.

You can think of some of the positions where garden statues work well. Garden statues looks great as a standalone feature in a lawn. You can also think of garden sculptures at the end of a path or around a corner providing surprise to the visitor of your garden.  Some of the experts opine that garden sculpture and garden statue look fantastic by gates and entrance ways. However, be creative and add a personal touch to your landscape and identify the location of garden sculptures and garden statues that suits you better.  Or just get in touch with The Garden Gates. We would be happy to help you for your garden statues and garden sculptures needs.

Q & A with Zen Master Mr. Felix

As I was walking through the garden today I found a zen master sitting in contemplation. He appeared illuminated and happy in the cosmic zone that one can only achieve when you turn off your mind, relax and float down stream. At one point I thought perhaps he was levitating! His meditation was cut short when I stumbled over a cat statue and spilled my latte everywhere. He raised his eyebrow and asked me how I was doing.

“Doing great!” I replied with glee, even tho I spilled the coffee all over my shirt.

I had to ask Mr. Felix how he achieved the master zone of meditation greatness.

“Look around the garden, you will see I surround myself with beautiful garden statues, garden fountains, beautiful plants and I do yoga here every morning. These are the secrets I learned from ascended masters, and I am passing them on to you.” Mr. Felix then leapt to his feet and ran off.

I did look around his garden and I saw his animal statues, his religious statues and it all made sense to me. The great Temple Buddha statue that I looked at seemed to call to me. The wisdom of this ancient illuminated one filled my soul and thought to myself, wow, I wish I had one of these.

Garden Statues

One of the wonderful things about working at a garden center is how I can take strolls out and meditate next to an amazing array of garden statues. Some of the great ones featured are of the Madonna & Child, St. Francis of Assisi, many Buddhas, and more. I love going by the Zen Frog statues and the Zen Too fountains.

How Do I Choose a Good Garden Statue for my Garden?

Location & Size
There are many factors that people consider when looking for statuary for their gardens. One of the most important is location of the garden. If you have only a small space you don’t want have a giant Buddha head taking up a lot of space, but if the garden is very large you may want to have a larger sized one or perhaps a few smaller ones.

How Does Your Garden Grow?
Perhaps your garden is going to start out small but you have big plans? You may want to consider starting with a theme and adding to it. Campania International has a wonderful collection of Campania Garden Statues in various themes. A great one is Garden Animals such as Turtles, Birds, Frogs, Dogs, and Cats.